i've come to realize that there are some people in life you just have to let go. i remember meeting this one girl, about a year and a half ago. around the time of my first lss, we met through community service. i remember speaking to her on the phone until 6 in the morning, just to watch rocket power. now i see pictures of her life now online, and im dissapointed in myself. i remember the first time she did something that was BAAAAAAAD, and i went off. i went mad hard trying to find out what to really believe and i just ended up letting it go. turns out that was a bad choice. now that i see her pictures online, of what she does now, who she hangs out with, im still dissapointed! now shes out smoking, drinking, getting high, getting drunk, having sex probably, getting taken advantage of. im dissapointed because i think she looked up to me, or at least thats something id like to believe. ive let her down, and ive let myself down. i think i couldve changed the outcome of her life, but i was too busy with my own stuff in my school. while she was slowly changing in hers. damn niggaa



another thing. i toooooo often find myself asking "whats wrong" or"are you okay?" i think i set myself up for some kind of self-fulfillment kind of problem because i think helping people out gives me a sense of happiness, which is to be given by another aspect of my life, or is left absent because of something that is present in my life. i trail, and try to find out whats wrong, because i know i can help! i think people will automatically open up, but thats wrong because its not easy being on the other side of that talk/relationship. ive had a lot of success in helping k.c and now we're really good friends. but i can see a gap forming in our relationship, even though i think ive made a life changing impact on her life. now i find myself trying to help someone else, t.m another person from school. their situations seem very similar, however the second person is having trouble opening up to me, as well as other people, which is discouraging. however i think she will eventually get help, probably elsewhere sadly. i need to help people, i need to be a kind person, to shadow other parts of my personality, and fulfill the part of my life which needs it most.