I just saw it. It's a show I've been watching since it's came out. I just saw the finale, and I don't think they could've ended it any better. It was amazing.

I really like the parts where they had the White Lotus group, that was pretty damn cool.

Great ending to a great show.

DIEGO I WILL GET MORE POSTZ THAN U

This is a seriously addicting game. At least it was for me. Basically, you're a mobster, who tries to make his way up to the top. It's on Myspace. If you wanna become part of my mob, follow this link, AIGHT?

Join my mafia please

I realized, that I'm not doing anything with my life. I've been told time and time again, not just from my parents, but from others, that I have potential to exceed everything I'm doing today, but I'm just not doing anything with it. What am I doing? I used to be so much, but I've degraded to what I am now. Whatever I am not, for better or worse, it's what I am.

I need to do something with myself, make a name for myself. I need to exceed my own standards by a lot, because those standards are set pretty low, for myself. Sure I have a 90+ average, but I can do better, I know for sure I can get a 95+ average, if I actually try and whatnot. I'm such a damn clown. I got myself out of the National Junior Honor Society, just solely on freaking conduct. Are you kidding me? What are you doing?

Get it straight Cyril. Or you're going down.






""Welcome to the real world" she said to me"

Bored. I decided I should make a shoe hit list, because I've got nothing else to do.

Jordan
Bred 1's [ ]
Royal Blue 1's [ ]
Black or White Cement 3's [ ]
True Blue 3's [X]
Mocha 3's [ ]
Cement 4's [ ]
NON CDP Bred 4's [ ]
'99 Fire Red 5's [ ]
'99 Metallic 5's [ ]
Grape 5's [ ]
Any 6 really. Except CDP Carmines. [ ]
Bordeaux 7' s [ ]
Olive 9's [ ]
Any City series 10's [ ]
Colombia 11's [X]
Snakeskin 11's [X]
Bred 13's [X]
Indiglo 14's [ ]
OG Metallic 17's [ ]

SB's
Tiff's [ ]
New Castles [ ]
Sea Crystals [sold D:]
Melvin Blacks [ ]
Cali's [ ]
Jedi's [ ]
Purple Pigeons [X]
Unluckys [ ]
PL Purple Avengers [ ]
Boca JR [ ]
Hawaii's [ ]
PeeWee's [X]


When I get those, I'm done.

I'm tight in two ways. The first way:

FUCKING ANAMIKA. It pisses me off how many times I have to chase her, whether it's for friendship, relationship whatever. I don't know if I'll ever be done. I need something to satisfy my heart, corny, but true. I've yet to turn to God, but I'm gonna do that this Sunday:D. But like it's funny how she doesn't even realize like what she does. She's like every other girl. Except that like she does it in a different way. Like she leads on every single damn person. Like it's a chase, to be a real friend, or whatever it is with her. I don't know what I'll do, it's just that it hurts. It hurts that there's no one who'll meet me halfway. I'll go 90% of the way, but they won't even give an effort. I bet there's someone who's waiting for me, but I'm too stupid to even realize it, or even I don't want to realize it. I don't know

I'm also tight because my muscles hurt. I went to the gym yesterday for the first time in a while.

12minutemile



"they're not worth it, if they can't meet you halfway"

To post about. This is just a result of my boredom, posting blog entries.

So this week has been neither progressive, or um, the opposite of progressive. I don't know what that is. I was thinking of regressive, but that doesn't sound right. I don't know, don't really care either.

So what happened this week? Well, let's start from Monday.

Monday: Shit, what did I do Monday? next day please -_-

Tuesday: I think I was at the park. That's all I remember. Next day please, AGAIN. Will I remember any of the past days.

Wednesday: I woke up. Midhun and Sandy were outside my house. WTF. Yeah so I brought my dog out, and Midhun ran home. What a pussy. Sandy was making baby noises at my dog, just like I do with her. Yeah so we met up on Little Neck with Diego. We went to 172 and Diego and I played singles. Katie met up with us too. They went to McDonalds. A little while later, Diego and I followed. We saw them with Danny and Nico. aiiightaight. So we chilled for a while. Then Katie lef t with Danny I think. Nico and I were talking about kicks for a while. Then we talked about Anthony stealing money. lol. insoles. Then Katie came back. Then after that we went back to 172. Danny and Nico were there again. Then I think I left sometime, I don't remember.

Thursday: This was the day where I was at the park alone, for like freaking an hour, just playing handball, volleying it to myself. I must've looked like such a loner. Well yeah, then Chris came and we played a game of singles. It wasn't really a game, but we were just volleying back and forth, still pretty boring. Then Andrew and Sameel showed up, and we went to Hillside. I got Sameel a drink, but I took half of it. That was the deal. He paid for it, I walked across the street to buy it. Then we met up with Andrew and Chris and walked back to 172. Me and Sameel were playing singles, he thought he busted my ass, but I wasn't really trying. lol. Then the Indian guy, this girl named Melissa, this little kid, and this girl showed up. I went over to play basketball. This other guy was there too. I don't knowhim. We played handball. He was mad nice. Then I went alone to Ansar's house. We chilled for a while. Midhun hit me in the balls. I hit him back. He hit me again. I hit him back. We called a truce. We went to the park and played basketball. Next day please.

Friday: today i don't feel like explaining it because i'm too lazy and sleepy3.

I found out today that I like this chick. She's mad chill and I don't know if I'll tell her. I think I've told every girl that I've liked that I liked them. I don't wanna get fucked over again. damn, she's great.

"Give me your right hand
I think I understand, follow me
And you will never have to wish again"

I just realized that I can't make everyone happy. I've realized that not all people deliberately set out to fuck me over, but it just happens, it's not that they didn't try to make me hapy, but rather everyone couldn't be happy, and I ended up the unhappy. Although I seem to always get the crap end of the deal, I've realized that it's best that way. I see myself happy, when I see other people happy. It's nice knowing that you've helped someone else out, except it's someone you hate.

I realized that not everything can go my way. I realized that I should stop bitching about things that don't go my way. I realized that I should stop interfering in what other people want to do. They should live their lives how they wish. It's hard enough, it'll make it worse if I go around making it even worse. So I'll try my best to do what I see fit, but I'll try my best not to mess things up and not overreact. Although to me it may not seem as if I'm overreacting, it'll seem to others that it does.

That makes me think of :
"It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool. Than to speak and remove all doubt"

I guess that's how it's gotta be for now. I shouldn't stress myself with what other people are doing. It's their lives, I'm not here to make it worse. I'd rather them happy, than me.

"And it was at that time that I thought about Thomas Jefferson writing that Declaration of Independence. Him saying that we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I thought about how he knew to put the 'pursuit' in there, like no one can actually have happiness. We can only pursue it."

I'm mad happy. I'm getting True Blue 3's for 230!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =0 wat is with that price you say? I don't know. They're legit, I'm getting them for a fucking STEAL :]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

I might just flip them, and make more money.

Lately I've realized how much of a dick I can be to some people. Whether it's shunning them for wrongs, which aren't even wrong in the first place, whether it's mentions bad tings in the past; whether it's mentioning something that you've disapproved, but you still mentioned it; whether it's just me being a dick in general, I've still been a dick lately. Of course I've talked shit about people, of course I've done wrong things, of course I've just been a dick, but I haven't learned from that mistake.

Like two days ago, I got mad at Rebecca just because she was talking to KB, that faggot. I hate that kid, he's just such a loser, and he's so cocky, and there's nothing to be cocky about. I don't know why I got mad at her because she was talking to him, I think it's just me losing her is what's not cool. I think, that I thought that I would be losing Rebecca, she's a big part of my life. Maybe not the biggest, but bigger than most. She means a lot too many. Even though we haven't really connected, it's just that she's always there. She won't turn you down. But I turned her down. I feel like such an ass. I don't know why I did what I did, I want to make it better. But the problem is, I'm too pussy to make it better, it's just that, I guess that, well I can't really talk to her. Like I can't start a conversation with her anymore. That's why I want to let her know, if she's reading this, I'm sorry. I was a dick, and I do care about you. It's just that losing you to someone like KB really hurts my ego. I guess it's my ego, my pride, that's bringing me down. That's why I'm stooping to levels I've never stooped down to before. I don't think I've been this much of a dick. Well I guess now I am. I'm gonna try hard to stop that.

There's also an incident that happened today. We were at Ashley's house, my family, and it was a family friend kinda party. You know, the ones that all Filipino's seem to go to. Well yeah, we were at one of those. Well basically, because I can't go too into detail, sorry Ate. If you even see this.

Sandy, I get too preoccupied with what you do. I don't mean to be so harsh on you, but I kinda view you as a sister. I don't think I've ever told anyone this, so I'll say it now. I view Sandy as a sister. You're so small, pretty defense-less, pretty dumb. I get defensive when I'm with you. Whoever it is, you're messing with or whatever, I try to keep my eye on them. I don't want anyone taking advantage of you. I always think that every guy is going to take advantage of you, and sometimes that's true. I don't want to take that chance. You're too innocent, well actually you're kinda not innocent, at all. But I'm pretty sure deep inside you're that girl I met in December. I will still always try to protect you. I'm sorry for being such an asshole sometimes, but I don't care really, as long as you're protected. Shit what am I gonna do when we're in High School. I'll still be there. I'm sorry.

There's also this incident with Odreka. I was being a dick. It was this time we were in a chatroom, it was a few people, I don't exactly remember who. All I said was STFU. I didn't know it would bring so much hurt. I didn't look from the other side. I didn't view it from her perspective. I didn't know what happened behind the closed doors. I'm truly, truly sorry for that. You already heard me say this, countless times, but once again sorry.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong"

Please, let me be strong.

So yesterday I had a group meeting with my group from PNYM, and Melvin. We met up at Carlo's. Throughout these past what 7 months of going to St. Ladislaus every Sunday evening, but throughout my whole time going there, I never really thought I could be myself. Just let loose, be who you guys at home think I am. But lately, like we've been able to chill I guess, like real friends. I never really was sure if they considered me a real friend because we would just meet up like once a week.

I still have yet to be myself around them, I still have yet to make jokes, I still have yet to just fool around. Maybe that time will soon come. I hope it will, because I don't think they see me for who I really am yet. I mean sometimes my behavior around them is like the behavior I have around my friends. The weird facial expressions, well yeah, that's probably the only thing, the weird facial expressions. But I've yet to express my views verbally. I know I've got a lot to say, and maybe it'll come out, pretty soon. I mean it's what I'm hoping for. Maybe it'll come now, maybe it'll come in the near future. I just hope that I've got friends in them. Since I started there I was basically alone. I started there alone, I had no real connections there. I had Brian, but he was to preoccupied with the people there. There was also Louie and Issa, andJamie, but they never ended up going. So I was alone. But I'm making progress, and that's all I need right now. Taking it step by step.

"Never discourage anyone... who continually makes progress, no matter how slow"

Well now that it's the end of my middle school life, I don't really care too much about what some of the middle school friends reading this think. Some I do, some I don't. Right now I'm just like, why Jamil? I don't get it. It's really strange how the human mind works. People tend to say the things that make the other person happiest, however it's not always what they need, or want to hear. They person knows that they're doing what they're doing because they don't want feelings hurt. They don't want relationships broke. But sometimes people need to hear it.

Okay, so this girl Anamika right, she's this girl who I've had a history with. Like we're mad tight, almost best friends, maybe even best friends, I don't know, it's her call. But like she knows I have beef with this kid named Jamil. He was my best friend in 6th grade. He ended up being a loser, and I dislike him very much. When I found out they were going out, I was like "wat" and I called her. She told me this excuse, which I reall ydon't buy, she said, paraphrasing "it wasn't really my doing" and what really like was fucked up is that she said "I don't really have anything else to do." Like how fucked up can you be? Going out with someone, just because you have nothing else to do. A person isn't a toyed, maybe she toys with peoples feelings, I don't know, I don't want to know.

Maybe that's what she's been doing with me this whole time. Maybe I was just a toy to her. It would seem so. I still have feelings for her. She's extremely important to me. I don't know what I've been doing wrong. That's the thing with gorgeous girls. Too many of them are extremely shallow. And when they aren't shallow they don't give people like me a chance at first sight. When they do, it's too late. You're too good of friends, and you're screwed. You're fucked in the butt. You're duked in the ass. You get my point.

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't want some ass-ugly girl, but I want someone who'll give me a chance. Give me that one chance. Don't wait too long, because that's what screws you in the end. You think of her one way, she thinks of you the other way. I guess I'll just be her toy for the time being. Until we lost connection. Until we lose touch. I don't know what I'll do, I'll probably do nothing. Let things go as they wish. I always get screwed in the end. no homo


"It is by acts, and not by ideas that people live"

I'm a 14 year old kid. I don't know my direction in life, but I plan to go far. Whether it's stardom, whether it's helping people, whether it's just being successful in my own mind, I'm going far. I just graduated Middle School, oh how cool I am, sike. But yeah, I'm moving on in my life, whether it's for the better, or for the worst, I'm moving on, and I really can't do anything about it. I'm gonna go to High School in the near future, actually in about a month and a half. Going to York, QHSS, Queens High School for the Sciences at York College, whatever you wanna call it. It's in Jamaica, and I have to commute every morning, oh how wonderful is that. It's not as bad as some people, it's only two buses. Some people I know have to commute cross borough, and that sucks big cock.

Um, let's see, what else. I'm pretty funny I guess, that depends on the group of people I'm with though. If it's like say school friend, I'm the fucking most hilarious kid you've ever met. Maybe. But if it's with like relatives, or the youth group, not so much, because I'm not as comfortable around them as I am with the school friends. Maybe one day, I'll be as comfortable as I would like to be. Maybe one day, maybe.

Obviously, I'm not the skinniest person around, shit, lets just say it flat-out, I'm fucking fat as hell. I'm no bitch, I'll say it. But I'm trying to do something about it. I go to the gym about 4 days aweek, and I run, workout, play handball, and basketball. My main sport I guess I would say would be handball. It's really a sport I grown a liking too, and I guess you could say I'm pretty good at it. Not as good as those skaters who hang around 172, but almost as good as them. I'm getting there. I'm trying to describe every aspect of my life, so this might take a while.

Well life here in Bellerose, NY, is pretty chill, it's kinda boring though. Sometimes. Though some thugs come here from like Queens Village, or even here in Bellerose, I mean they're kinda thug, they're pretty thug. But not the thuggest. I'm not cracking on you guys because I know you guys can snap your fingers and I'll be dead, but like some of the fake thugs are really just losers, not like you real thugs. You guys are hard.

I play a few instruments. I play Alto Sax, Piano, Drums, and Guitar. Not so much sax and piano anymore though. I just stopped I don't know why. I play guitar for the youth group I belong to, PNYM, and I play drums for school. At least I did, I don't know if I'm good enought to be a drummer in high school. I'll just have to wait to find out. I guess that's it for now. I can't really think of anything else to write, because it's like 3:45.

"Bombing for peace, is like sex for virginity"