It hurts to see you hurt the ones you love.  

Lately I've realized how much of a dick I can be to some people. Whether it's shunning them for wrongs, which aren't even wrong in the first place, whether it's mentions bad tings in the past; whether it's mentioning something that you've disapproved, but you still mentioned it; whether it's just me being a dick in general, I've still been a dick lately. Of course I've talked shit about people, of course I've done wrong things, of course I've just been a dick, but I haven't learned from that mistake.

Like two days ago, I got mad at Rebecca just because she was talking to KB, that faggot. I hate that kid, he's just such a loser, and he's so cocky, and there's nothing to be cocky about. I don't know why I got mad at her because she was talking to him, I think it's just me losing her is what's not cool. I think, that I thought that I would be losing Rebecca, she's a big part of my life. Maybe not the biggest, but bigger than most. She means a lot too many. Even though we haven't really connected, it's just that she's always there. She won't turn you down. But I turned her down. I feel like such an ass. I don't know why I did what I did, I want to make it better. But the problem is, I'm too pussy to make it better, it's just that, I guess that, well I can't really talk to her. Like I can't start a conversation with her anymore. That's why I want to let her know, if she's reading this, I'm sorry. I was a dick, and I do care about you. It's just that losing you to someone like KB really hurts my ego. I guess it's my ego, my pride, that's bringing me down. That's why I'm stooping to levels I've never stooped down to before. I don't think I've been this much of a dick. Well I guess now I am. I'm gonna try hard to stop that.

There's also an incident that happened today. We were at Ashley's house, my family, and it was a family friend kinda party. You know, the ones that all Filipino's seem to go to. Well yeah, we were at one of those. Well basically, because I can't go too into detail, sorry Ate. If you even see this.

Sandy, I get too preoccupied with what you do. I don't mean to be so harsh on you, but I kinda view you as a sister. I don't think I've ever told anyone this, so I'll say it now. I view Sandy as a sister. You're so small, pretty defense-less, pretty dumb. I get defensive when I'm with you. Whoever it is, you're messing with or whatever, I try to keep my eye on them. I don't want anyone taking advantage of you. I always think that every guy is going to take advantage of you, and sometimes that's true. I don't want to take that chance. You're too innocent, well actually you're kinda not innocent, at all. But I'm pretty sure deep inside you're that girl I met in December. I will still always try to protect you. I'm sorry for being such an asshole sometimes, but I don't care really, as long as you're protected. Shit what am I gonna do when we're in High School. I'll still be there. I'm sorry.

There's also this incident with Odreka. I was being a dick. It was this time we were in a chatroom, it was a few people, I don't exactly remember who. All I said was STFU. I didn't know it would bring so much hurt. I didn't look from the other side. I didn't view it from her perspective. I didn't know what happened behind the closed doors. I'm truly, truly sorry for that. You already heard me say this, countless times, but once again sorry.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong"

Please, let me be strong.