im such a fucking asshole  

what the hell is my problem. i think i know whats best for everyone, but who am i? im just a 15 year old kid, whos thinks hes had more than his fair share of conflicts, controversies, and problems. i pride myself on my "individual thinking" i think im so advanced, so amazing but im not. who am i to bring someone to the edge, to pry so deep, just to try to help them. WHO AM I, WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?

this internal conflict i think is the greatest downfall to my wannabe help-line. sure i've helped other people big time, but that doesn't mean i'll have success with the next person. it doesn't mean i can guarantee success to the next person. it doesn't mean i can pry just to help the next person!

if this person is reading this, and you know who you are, im extremely sorry. i know, or at least i hope that i've said sorry in person, but im sure one apology is not enough. i've probably exposed a past already over with, and im sorry for that. ive probably brought it to your mind again, and im sorry for that. im probably going to fail you at least once, and i know i promised i wont, and im sorry for that. im sorry that eventually my best will not be enough. im sorry that i wont put you first all the time. im sorry for being such an asshole.

i promise you that you wont turn out like the others. i promise you that you can trust me with anything. i promise you that i will be avaible for whatever, whenever. i promise you that i wont be like the others. i promise you that i will try hard. i promise you that i will try harder than i have with anyone else. i promise you that i will try my hardest. i promise that i'll figure something out. i promise we'll figure something out.

i'm so sorry that i've done what i've done. but i'm here now and i can't change it.